the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
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we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
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She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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