She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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