so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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