Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
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I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
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But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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