We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize