Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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