We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
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Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
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All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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