I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
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she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
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Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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