did you get engaged???
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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