I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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