I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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