his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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