So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
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He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
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I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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