they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
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