I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
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You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
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Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
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