what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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