Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
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Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
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Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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