i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
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You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
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We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I have so many feelings about this burrito
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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