until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize