this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
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Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
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Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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