There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
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We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
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Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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