This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
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He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
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Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
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