You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
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my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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