She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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