I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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