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I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize