I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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