hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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