I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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