why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
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and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
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I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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