I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
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he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
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I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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