Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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