If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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