i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize