Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
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you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
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I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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