i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Watching her eat just hurts me
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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