I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
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You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
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I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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