This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
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But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
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There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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