somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
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after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
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I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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