Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize