So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
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I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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