She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
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she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
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It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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