He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
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I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
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We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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