I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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