Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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