Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
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I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
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You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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