she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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