watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
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I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
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I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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