Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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