I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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